Tony Ierufi (he/him)

I am 66, born in outer Melbourne. I didn't come out to my family until I was 40, so I lived two lives. Not uncommon for my generation. I grew up with my family on the outer eastern fringes of Melbourne, moving out to the Yarra Valley as suburbia reduced paddock options. My family included my single mum, three siblings, a dog, a cat and several horses. Horses were a large part of my life for over 20 years. I have worked many jobs, in Sales, Timbers mills, Riding schools, factory work, the ATO until I retired early, due to a homophobic culture. 

I was Politically active in Homodefactos, a group fighting for changes to the Superannuation law to include same-sex partners. Also with Italian and Gay, PFLAG, and the formation of the AGMC (Australian GLBTIQ Multicultural Council) and its first conference, a world first.

I am passionate about Same-Sex Ballroom Dancing and gardening. I find there are very few Queer activities in Geelong, and any groups here, apart from the Geelong Pride Film Festival, are not inclusive. There are no outlets or groups for seniors. 

My garden, a place that I find therapeutic. The circle of the seasons, and always something happening. A place of refuge.

“ Invisibility is very common in the ageing queer community... all of us are of an age where we grew up when it was criminalised here. Younger people don't know that. They have no idea how so many of us were married because of religious or family pressures and had to live a lie and could not come out. "​

So many of us, if we have to go into care, we can't have a rainbow flag. I can't have a picture of Ricky Martin or George Michael on my wall above my bed because I might offend some Christian.

“ It was liberating, like coming out and being with your own people. To be in a clinic that was predominantly gay and lesbian and have doctors who were gay and lesbian. To not have to educate them and explain [yourself] to them. "

​“ I can remember [my] first Midsumma dance competition. I actually had tears in my eyes... I was so moved... Seriously, it was one of those moments that even mentioning it brings up emotion, because here were our tribe. To see two women, sometimes partners, sometimes just dance partners, or two men, to see them
dancing together, that was like: I'm home. If you ask where I want to be in 10 years time, I'd love to see us have something like that in Geelong where we can go and we can dance. 
​Social dance. ”

The closet, I spent my 1st few decades in it, and I worry that with ageing, especially if I end up in an Aged Care Home, will force me back into it.

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" It was liberating, like coming out and being with your own people. "

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